Wanting to love myself has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. And wanting to love myself has also left me wanting to love what I want to do. I feel lost, like I've lost all ambition and desire for anything I once loved. Except for Travis. I still love him. Lotses.

But I know what they call this feeling... depression. Depression sucks. And I hate it. I keep thinking about how much I've found love in my Buffalo State sweat pants... and how much I just want to lay in bed, and never move again. How much I think about wanting to get out and play with my external flash that I found. How much I have been thinking about going to the beach and taking pictures again. But I don't want to move.

I felt sooooo good getting out there and working. I thought I had made the right decision. But now, I feel like I totally just shot myself in the foot. I'm hesitant about wanting to find a new job. I'm afraid it's always going to be like this. I can be rough around the edges and talk a lot, and complain about what I want, or if things aren't going the right way. And I got beraded for being overly opinionated and outspoken.

Last I knew, holding your own was something to be proud of. Now I just feel like a horrible person. This is so tiring.