My mom's on the phone with Daryl, talking about our money situation... and it makes me really upset. My mom has been paying all of my bills while I have been out of work, and I am forever thankful for that. However, it's put us in such a situation that is very hard for me to deal with. I've dealt with "poverty" since I was little. Little food in the house, no Christmas, living paycheck to paycheck. It's normal here. But it's depressing.

I don't need this stuff any more. I'm working... I'm trying hard. But I also want to take care of myself. I want to save money, especially while I'm working. I don't know how long I'm going to be there, or even if I'm going to make it through the holidays that are left there.

Its hard to see my mom and myself go through this. I know she's hurting, and I'm trying hard enough myself to be positive and to take care of my well being. It's bad enough being home makes things incredibly negative, and I'm working so hard. I'm rambling and I can't concentrate.