I work tomorrow.
I work tomorrow.
I work tomorrow.
I work tomorrow.
I work tomorrow.
I work tomorrow.
I'm totally sick to my stomach and I'm trying incredibly hard to not to freak out, I'm nervous. I sent David-Shea a message earlier, spilling my guts about how I feel. It's driving me absolutely insane, waiting for a reply. Which, I know will probably not come until next week because it's the weekend - I understand he's busy. I know how those things go. Anne's around. But that's to be expected.

However, I feel like the worst girlfriend in the world. I love Travis, so, so much. I do, I truly do. But David-Shea "gets" me. I know that sounds so silly, but it's true. He understands my romantic wants and needs, he's met them before, well before I knew what they were. He also understands a lot of my mental problems I think more than Travis does. Travis got to the point where he was abusive because he didn't understand. And he cheated on me.

I try not to think about all that, because things are good. I swear they are, and knowing all of this, when I hear his voice, it breaks my heart. Because I feel like the worst girlfriend ever. I know I'm not doing anything near what he did to me, but it's still not fair. And I feel like I can confide in David-Shea about those things. And it's important. If nothing happens from this, it's okay. I can understand that. But I'm willing to give it a try. Besides, it's not like I'm runnin' to Jersey any time soon. But I would LOVE to go back, and cherish everything that happens, like I didn't last time. I was SO out of my mind, and it's terrible. Things were so wrong, and I don't want to crush Travis's heart. But I HAVE to tell him how I feel. I love him so much. I'm gonna go call him.