I woke up early this morning again next to Derek. It makes me happy. I was up around 6:30, or at least that's when the first alarm went off. I've got a bad habit of pressing the snooze button a few times, but it didn't matter this morning. I didn't have to get up and shower, I didn't have to rush to have breakfast and get out the door. I was able to snuggle in bed with Derek even though he didn't sleep last night. It was nice. We got up, got our shit together and everything seemed okay. Until we got on the topic of my future.
Derek tried to tell me this morning that I'm not going to be rich, I'm not going to make lots of money, and he's going to take care of me. Frankly, the thought is nice, but I'm tired of everyone bringing me down. This isn't the first time it's happened recently. The other day, Daniel and I were talking about me going back to school and what my future holds, and he blatantly told me he doesn't think I'm going to own my own studio and be successful. For one, what a crock. For two, how fucking low do you have to be to tell someone that? And Derek made a similar comment this morning... As stated previously, he told me that I wasn't going to make a lot of money, and I wasn't going to be able to support myself and live comfortably. For one, what a crock again. And for two, so much for my boyfriend believing in me. It's incredibly hurtful. I'm tired of having all of these people tearing my dreams apart. And because of that, I won't let it happen.
It's really sad when the only person who ever tells you he believes in you is your ex boyfriend. Travis is truly the only one who has ever told me he believed in me and still does. And this encompasses the whole feeling I have:
Travis showed me that song so, so long ago when we first got together. And it means the world to me, because he believes in me. And according to Rocky, "nothing is real if you don't believe in who you are." Some times, I don't know who I am, but I know my dreams are real. And I'm going to be successful some day, and I think that day starts today. It's hard grasping the concept of taking life one day at a time, and it's something my old therapist Malinda and I talked about a lot. Just letting things go and living day by day. And I'm learning more and more to do that now. I'm proud of myself.
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