It's just another manic...Friday?!

I was terribly unable to sleep last night - terribly. I went to bed with Trav around 1 AM, and I tossed and turned for a little bit, I knew my night was going to be less than admirable for sleep. And alas, I was right. I woke up around 5:30, and just couldn't get back to sleep. I tossed and turned, then I finally left the bed, ate some poptarts, and then just took a shower. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep any time soon, let alone at all. So I took Trav to work, and on my way to his work, I felt HORRIBLE. My stomach started to hurt, and I started to feel nauseous. It was a little hectic any way, because I could not stay out of the bathroom, either. The only thing I could think of that would do that to me was Wendy's that I had yesterday with Sarah. Come to find out, she wasn't feeling too well this morning, either. So, I stopped on my way to the Serenity House Garage Sale to grab some pepto pills. And then y'know, I did what I do with my mom at the garage sale. I shopped. lol Found some really nifty stuff :] But that's not the reason why I'm writing this entry. After I went to the garage sale, I then went with my mom to Canandaigua because I needed her to get me some 18G earrings because the one I had in my ear was missing the captive ball, and just not workin' for me. But god was I EXHAUSTED. I was so exhausted and feeling sick that I had to cancel my photo shoot with some good friends. I was rather disappointed, but we also got rained out. It was not a day for photography.

While I was at the VOA in Canandaigua because my mom wanted to look at couches, I noticed that they were looking for a cashier for 20 - 24 hours per week. And I thought "I could do that!" And just kinda let it go at that. When I got home, my mom and I discussed some money things, and I got frustrated, and I sincerely thought about applying to the VOA. Unfortunately, my head started to spin. Oh, I could work there. AND I could also help Shanna at the studio on Monday and Wednesday, and I should do this, and I should do that...

In my life, there is no happy medium. Either, I'm conquering the world like the Energizer Bunny, and going and going and going, or I'm so lethargic and depressed I don't even want to get off of my couch in my livingroom. Or be at my house. *shudders* My house is unfortunately not a home, just a place to store my stuff. And that's also depressing, and a big reason why I want to be at Trav's so often. I hate my place. It seemed opportune at the time, but now I hate being there. The place smells, I can't use my art room because it's too fucking hot, the place just literally brings a bad taste to my mouth. There's never anything there I want, or want to do. I'm so uncomfortable being there, sleeping there... ugh. (On a side note, I've totally dreampt this.) I get upset even thinking about the place. And it's horrible. I feel bad for the situation I have put my mom in, and I feel like I need to try and rekindle things. I feel like my mom and I are on edge lately. And it makes me uncomfortable. I don't feel like my mom is the mom that I grew up with. It's odd. I feel like there's so much changing in my world, and I just don't know how to handle it. I'm realizing that Trav's friends don't like me, I still don't feel ready to work or go back to school, but I'm stuck in this rut I can't get myself out of...

And this all leaves a bad taste in my mouth.