I've had a very difficult time recently attempting to write with all these distractions. I'm attempting to watch The Simpsons, and they're episodes I've never seen, so I want to watch AND write at the same time. But what's really important is what's on my mind that I've been trying so desperately to get out. Today has been one of those odd days, where I'm kinda up and down. When Travis got home earlier, because he wasn't feeling well, and after not seeing him for a few days, I totally fell in love again. It was so sweet, but we both went to take a nap, and when I got up, all I wanted was his attention, and when I wasn't getting it, I got kinda sad. Not to mention earlier, I was feeling rather down.

This morning I went out to get something to eat, and go out to Irondequoit Bay and take some pictures. I had Mc Donalds for lunch, and walked around for maybe 20 minutes, if that, took a few snapshots, and was kinda disappointed because even the water fowl was boring today. lol But when I returned to Trav's place, I felt utterly exhausted. This has been happening quite frequently. I have been sleeping through the night, and doing very, very little in the day and after doing this little tiny stuff, I'm so tired. I'm not sure what's causing it, but that's just the beginning. Some times, I find my hands and stuff falling asleep, for no reason, when I'm not doing anything... And I feel as though all of these problems are coming from my weight. I lack energy, doing normal things is becoming difficult, and my clothes are not fitting well. But I must admit, I feel so lost...

I feel like I need to re-learn how to eat. I know I can do this, I know I can lose the weight... but I'm not sure if I'm ready. I can't wrap my mind around how hard it is going to be to do it. It will be extraordinarily difficult at first... but I need to do it. I just need help. I literally need someone to hold my hand through all this, I need guidance... and I don't know where to get it. I have an appointment with a nutritionist in September, but what do I do between now and then? Suffer? Feel horrible for myself? I need a hand...