I'm evaluating how much time in my life has been wasted sitting behind this computer. I was just thinking about this kid, who attends school and works. I saw him online on facebook all day yesterday, assuming he was at work. Today, he hasn't been on - he's been at school. What have I done today? I've sat around, not working, not going to school, and sitting on Facebook.
Granted, Eric and I talked things out today. He again clarified that he left me because he didn't want to end up hurting me. He also admitted that he did love me, but had to stop that love in order to not hurt me. As silly as that sounds, I understand. He wants time to himself, time to be single and work on his life. It's okay. But I wanted to know that our relationship wasn't just based on sex. Daniel unfortunately got that idea in my mind, but now, I know it's not true. <3 I do love Eric, but it apparently just wasn't meant to be. At least not right now, but I'm not giving up on the future. For now, Ashley needs to figure out Ashley, and what she's doing with her life. Unfortunately, that's a lot more difficult than I ever anticipated.
I'm starting to discover that I think I know what I want. I have ambitions to go back to school, but I'm scared. I have a dream of losing weight, but I'm scared. I feel like I'm wasting a lot of time just sitting around, but I validate my ideas simply by the fact that it is winter. There's not a lot of give, it's a depressing time of year, which doesn't make anything any easier. There's no motivation, no want, no hope. And I was feeling hopeless and helpless the other day because of it. But I'm getting up one step at a time, like Friday, I'm going with Nichole to RIT. :]
It's a new step, one step closer to getting to school. The next step seems to be going to find out more about financial processes, and what comes next. I have a lot of decisions to make, and I'm feeling rather lost, actually. I have no guidance, and I need all the help I can get. But everything seems to be looking a little brighter. I'm doing alright, in old L.A. Tonight...
No comments:
Post a Comment