I was never "unhappy" with Travis. I was just... there were times where I was hurt, and the hurting wasn't always something everyone else saw. Travis didn't hurt me physically, but more emotionally. He taunted me frequently about my mental problems, to the point where he got almost abusive about it. He also in a way made things incredibly difficult for me to lose weight, he never supported me, and it was always shoved in my face his motto of "If she ain't 280, she ain't a lady." Just even thinking about that saying makes me cringe. It hurt a lot to know that I didn't have a boyfriend who understood my mental issues, and who also didn't understand how much I was hurting by not having any support to lose weight. What's even more hurtful is that apparently everyone else thinks I'm a "mess," but no one ever bothered to care enough to say something to my face. I just wish one person would have stood up with their concerns and brought it to my attention. What's even more degrading is the idea that once Travis and I broke up, everyone seems to be giving me the cold shoulder. I understand that they were Trav's friends first, that's totally fine! But they also 'pretended' to be my friends, too. I wish they all had the same idea that Chris had, the idea that I didn't break up with THEM. I broke up with Travis.

All of this was all just floating through my head this morning because I was just talking to Lindsay. I'll be honest, we had our falling outs, but I do miss her. I miss a lot of people lately. And with all of my depression I've been trying to make amends with a lot of people I've lost contact with. Hell, even my co-workers at Tim Horton's. I stopped to see Shannon! the other day. And since then, I've been talking to her more, she's become a little part of my support system and I am forever grateful for those who haven't abandoned me 'in my darkest hour.' It's important to know who my friends are, and I think it's also important that I maintain a positive relationship with them all and thank them all.

This seems like an awful lot of stuff on my brain, I think I'm done writing and need to veg out again. Maybe a take a shower...