When it comes to talking about my weight, I avoid it at all costs. And I wish I could avoid it forever, but apparently that isn't going to help my situation. I've become frustrated and disgusted with myself because I've gained so much weight. So much so that I've donned the same pair of pants for like four or five days in a row because I know they fit me, and fitting into some of my clothes is just a struggle and an embarrassment. I've also for the summer given up on wearing shoes. Now, I know that in the summer, you're supposed to wear sandals and what have you, but I hate my feet (a lot less, now). But I've given up on wearing shoes mostly because it's ungodly uncomfortable to bend over and tie them. I know that sounds really pathetic, but my body has gotten so big that just doing everyday tasks is incredibly difficult. Now, I understand wholly the concept of exercise and healthy eating... but I'm having a hard time grasping it on my own. Finding an exercise that I enjoy doing is totally something I also struggle with. Upon not being able to give up my snacks. I've discovered what I love and what I hate in life, and food has become something I love AND hate. Some days, I love eating. Others, I hate food so much, and I wish I didn't have to eat to survive.

I also recently had decided that maybe I should go out and do Weight Watchers again. Back in the day, I lost about 20 lbs in a few months doing it, and I unfortunately gained all the weight back because I wasn't exercising. But I find it incredibly difficult to stick to a routine that requires me to pay attention to detail and to record things. I was recently asked to keep a food log and a mood diary, for my psychiatrist. That's since been put aside, because I frankly just hate doing it. After about two weeks, I just can't do it any more. It's obnoxious, and I hate it. That's why I'm 100% unsuccessful in counting calories, and tracking things. I just HATE it. So, I guess maybe it's not the best thing in the world for me to be doing, really. Maybe I just need to learn how to adjust my life... but that never lasts long either...