Not...really.. but I can make believe, right? So, I'm slightly intimidated, truthfully. After getting home from Travis's, I went out shopping to Wal-Mart with my mommy, and then I brutally attacked cleaning up my room, finally. Last night, I had a little bit of a breakdown after realizing that I was in the hole again, and that I felt as though I couldn't dig myself back out. I was crying and upset and terrible. I feel like I ruined our night :( It started off a little wobbly last night any way because I was miserable because I had to make dinner, and Travis wasn't paying attention to me like I came over for, so I was just all icky and moody. And then we settled down to watch Swamp Thing Returns and I fell in love with Swamp Thing. lol And then I couldn't find something to eat, so that finally just set me off, and I just started crying and wanted to go to bed. I hate when that shit happens. I'm almost wondering if it's because it's "That time of the month" technically, but I haven't been this grumpy in a while. Well, I lied, what am I talking about? That's all I've been recently is grumpy. But, back to my point. I finally cleaned up my bedroom. I've been pushing it off, and pushing it off, and pushing it off. And I wonder if it was depression? I want to talk to my therapist about that, and if a cycle in something like that is normal. But now that I have cleaned my room and conquered that, I again feel like I can conquer the world. And by that, I mean, work on my eating habits.
I did some research on veganism, once again. I found out that more things than I knew or figured were vegan. It made me kinda happy, actually. But when I get in these knowledgeable "manic modes," I get intimidated and discouraged. As usual, you know? I just get so scared, some times. I think the word "scared" needs to be eliminated from my vocabulary. Sounds like a good start, right?
I Want:
x to not be scared any more
x to not be intimidated any more
x to conquer my fears
:)
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