So, I'm chowing on this little egg, cheese and canadian bacon thing that's like a hot pocket in a circle just sitting here pondering. I had a rather eventful day, considering I got to keep my place. I woke up and went to therapy, and unfortunately my session was used to fill out my papers :( But that's okay, Jim is going away for a week or so, and things would be mighty hectic without it. And then I went over to Social Services, and I'm not gonna lie, I met some rather nice, interesting people today. That never happens at DSS lol. But I also was able to find myself a temporary social worker, who come to find out, not only KNEW my father, but had a crush on him years ago! Welp, didn't I feel like a moron, being all "well, he's a worthless alcoholic, and I don't need him, blah blah blah." haha. Ah, well. But I have food stamps starting tomorrow, and I'm going to be getting rent assistance as well. :) I'm'a tryin'.

I learned today that keeping a level head and basically kissing ass can unfortunately get you a long way. I told Coleen that I just want to move on from what happened with the deck, all sore feelings aside, and pursue keeping the trailer. She said she had others that were interested in buying it for more money than myself would be purchasing it for, but she said she doesn't mind doing me the favor. And I really appreciate it. I still feel as though this is an amazing opportunity for me, especially to get settled and established. It's made me feel capable, rather than frustrated about feeling incapable, and all of these situations as an interlocking whole have really made me do some thinking.

Becoming an adult has by far been the most difficult thing I've ever encountered before. I know that sounds ultimately silly because duh - becoming an adult is supposed to be frustrating and hard. But I never expected it to be THIS hard. I've put myself into some sticky positions especially financially, and I'm on the road to digging myself back out. Saying all of these things just truly some times does not sound like me... it alarms me some times. And I become intimidated as mentioned before. These upswings just worry me, I'm so afraid that they won't last, I feel like I don't know what to do with them. Do I enjoy them while I can? Or do I fear that I know that they're going to go away? It seems like an empty glass complex. My glass can be half full and I can enjoy it, or it can be half empty and I can worry about them going away. Being able to rationalize these things is really important to me, since I feel as though I've never been able to do it before, but it can also feel very intimidating, since it makes me wonder why I haven't ever been able to do it before? I should be trying to be positive, and realize that I am getting better and able to improve upon myself, but alas, I'm left with the empty glass complex.