On any given day, I feel like I could eat a whole package of Oreos. But not today. And I feel proud of myself for that. There's still almost a whole sleeve left on the right side, that's an accomplishment. I sat down with Travis and the NP I've been seeing at my therapist's office today, and I came out of there feeling like I was just glowing. Barbara told me to look at myself in the mirror in the morning and tell myself that I'm gorgeous and an awesome person. And I feel like some times I can do that. Just sometimes, though, but I'm working on it. Like today, yeah, I've probably crammed myself with a few more calories than I'd like to admit, but I blame being away from Travis, no lies. I feel like being home is my worst enemy, for the most part, especially since I don't have anything to do. I need a newer, better TV to hook up my Wii and what not, and I also need a kitchen table (or any table for that matter!) to sew on. So trying to keep my mind and hands busy is a challenge some times, and I find myself doing a lot of thinking, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I've found myself doing a lot of thinking about my weight as usual. There's something about this medication that I'm on (my anti-convulsant) which has got me thinking like a level headed logical person, which has put me at ease, [I just realized that if you remove the space between me & at you get meat!] and I have found myself slightly comfortable with wanting to lose weight and putting forth the effort, to where prior, everything 'intimidated' or 'scared' me. And I put those little quotation marks around those words because I guess they really didn't intimidate or scare me, I guess I just didn't have the balls, or I was just too lazy. But I do feel like a different person, now. I feel creative, and like nothing is off limits...

Unfortunately, I still can't focus all the time. The NP asked me about that today, too, and I explained to her I need like total, utter silence and no distractions when doing a lot of things because I lose my train of thought and it never comes back, like just now. I felt as though I had a point to make, and I switched windows to my conversation with Liz...and I lost it. lol But that's okay, I'll switch topics again (as I talk to myself) about my life list. Son of a bitch I want to learn how to skateboard. Specifically because I'm pondering the idea of what activities are out there which ARE exercise, but are also enjoyable for me. For one, I've been trying super hard to get out there and take pictures, which is forcing me to walk more. Unfortunately, I'm also finding out that flip flops SUCK for walking. I wish I had the cash to hunt down a decent pair of flip flops, because my right leg is constantly giving me sharp pains up it like on the side of my calf when I walk distances in shitty shoes or flip flops. One factor I think is weight with that, really, the other being well, shitty support.

Speaking of shitty support, bah. Forget it.