I want:

x to be able to afford a magazine subscription (or two)
x to pay off my credit cards
x to lose weight
x to spend more time outside
x to learn about nutrition
x ways to make more money
x to take more photographs than ever before
x to learn more about photography by reading more and using trial and error
x to see Elvis in Vegas (no one will get this)
x to learn to love myself
x more time to talk to my therapist
x new glasses
x to prove myself right
x to believe in myself
x to go see KISS live
x to learn to have fun without spending money
x ways to save money
x to save up like $1,000 just to prove that I can
x to learn how to do my makeup better
x to part ways with things I don't NEED
x to spend more time with the people I love
x a smaller tummy
x to remake my life list
x to take responsibility for myself
x to go back to school
x a degree (or two...or six?)
x just to sit home once in a while
x my internet connection to work
x self confidence
x more ink!

I think that's enough wants for now, right? I feel kinda overwhelmed at the moment. Yesterday while at Kershaw Park with Trav, I explained to him how since I went to see my therapist, I feel like I can conquer the world. That normally happened after I saw a professional, I feel so much better, like I'm going to fix every problem I've ever had... but once I realize that I'm going to be doing that, I then become overwhelmed because I want to fix EVERYTHING at once, and I just frankly can't. I got my paycheck today from The Connection, and I didn't get nearly as much money as I thought I was going to. Which means I was able to pay my fine, and only have like $130 left over. Which isn't a lot for me to pay much of anything. Trust me, I do know I have put myself in this situation, but I thought my priority was to take care of myself?

Shit, who am I kidding? I am taking care of myself, I just wanna do it all at once. One step at a time, Ashley. One step at a time. I just need to rationalize this stuff. I just wish my rationalizations were a little easier than this and not as close. My cycles and ups and downs of rage and confusion, and realization and panic are so hard to handle. How come I never noticed all of this before, though? Jim (my therapist) even asked me that on Wednesday. He asked about when all of this started, and I explained things started around age 11, and seem to have gotten worse and worse as I have gotten older. Either that, or I've just come to realize them as I've gotten older?

Welp, here come the interruptions of thoughts haha. I'll finish this later.